Burdens Burdens Everywhere

Success, failure, good fortune & bad; would you believe that these are all sources of unbearable weight? We seem to carry these weights with us throughout our lives and they have a tremendous impact. The burdens in our lives are ever-present on our minds because they are so demanding. The burdens want to be our first thought. The burdens want to be the fulcrum on which our decisions are made. The burdens won’t stop nagging us until they have the deed to our lives – they want to be our very purpose. So what does it mean to lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us?  (Heb12:1)

John Wesley was a successful, scholarly student of theology. He went to Oxford in 1726 and only two years later he was ordained an Anglican priest. He spoke and wrote in Greek, Latin and French. He founded clubs that would promote holy behavior throughout London. He had notions of improving the Anglican Church; reigniting the fire of faith, reimagining a church that had an impact on the world. And as his successes began to emerge, so did the heightened expectations. He would have high expectations of himself; he would be the subject of high expectations from his followers and from his leaders. Can you imagine? How must the weight be piling on in this merely human life? How must the notion and expectation of success be trying to occupy the prime spaces in his life?

General Oglethorpe had a proposal that would change John Wesley’s life. Come to the colony in Georgia; bring the savage natives to Christ; walk among the humbler classes, and be a spiritual leader. Wesley had been ordained for 8 years already. Maybe this was the opportunity of his lifetime.

Oh my, this was a life changing event alright. Even the trip over to his new charge was a metaphor for the path ahead. The ship across the pond took nearly five months and it was anything but a Bon Voyage. One night, he was in such a horrific storm that the mast on the ship was broken; high seas crashing over the decks, powerful rain, and a ship tossed side to side like meaningless driftwood in an angry torrent. Is it any wonder that a traveler like John Wesley would be afraid for his life – shaken to the core? I imagine him either screaming or wanting to scream, either crying or wanting to cry; clinging to anything that would make him feel secure, wide eyed for the next clear path to safety. At this moment John noticed a group of passengers singing. They were the Moravians – a faith community from Germany. They remained in good cheer; singing songs of faith each one a steady source of confidence to the other. But, to John they were a reality check: did he even have faith? Why was he so weak? He felt the crisis of the soul as well as the crisis of the storm.

The journey on land got no better. He was never in his element. As a priest with high church notions and a very particular and purposeful approach to life, John would rarely experience a kindred spirit. He was in a colony that had Portuguese Jews, outcaste debt holders from England, Scotch Highlanders, and the poor from Salzburg. Among the colonist, he felt that he was to lead spiritually among “the Humbler Class.” His parish would span 200 miles along the coast and seemingly infinity to the west; where he would be faced with people whose language, culture, and customs he did not know. He had a charge to keep alright, but could he bring himself to lead this flock? Did he realize that in order to lead, you first have to love?

 

Maybe that was his thought when he met Sophia Hopkey – the object of his affections since the stormy times in the boat. Will storms never cease? Throughout the time Wesley spent in the colony, there was always an awkward space in his life created by his feelings for Sophia. They were thought to have made promises to one another about marriage, but John found it necessary to abstain from her company for the sake of his spiritual tasks. Her response was to marry another – a heart wrenching blow to John. Five months after her wedding, Sophia enters the church where John was serving communion. (Remember how the burdens want to take their place front and center in our lives?) John is faced with offering communion to Sophia – a troubled man with a troubled heart; a troubled woman with her hands open at the table set by Jesus. And he makes the decision to deny her communion; creating shame, whispers, and embarrassment.

 

John is at a low point in his life; looking around at the carnage created by the burdens of success, failure, good fortune, and bad. The mast was broken on the ship, which brought him. Likewise, more masts were broken. The mast was broken on his notions of ministry to the colony. The mast was broken on his designs for marriage. The mast was broken on his spiritual integrity at the communion table. 

The weight of our burdens is unbearable at times, but the good news is that we don’t need to carry this weight. I have had broken masts in my life as well; haven’t you. Recently I had a few and my father had some wise words. He said, “I guess that was an ego death son.” (wise words aren’t always soothing, by the way) The fact that he was right even made it worse. In this sense, my ego is a self-made understanding of my identity - the result of my hard work. We can work hard and be rich or fail at being rich. We can work hard and be popular or fail to be popular. We can work hard and be accepted or fail to be accepted.(on and on)This is the mind-made self, with its heaviness, its problems, that lives between the unsatisfying past and the fearful future. The fact is, we have an identity even when we don't create one for ourselves. Beloved. When we live by the identity of grace, the identity that was given and not self-made or mind-made, we live by faith - we embody beloved and we see the beloved identity in others.

When we live by the ego, we die by the …right? It seems like the burdens with unbearable weight are also burdens born by living by the ego. There is more good news; bearing the weight of these ego burdens is a choice that we make. As we read the words of Hebrews, we read an invitation – Lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us. It is an invitation to live by faith instead of living by ego.

Two years after the colony experience, John Wesley would have his “heart strangely warmed” at the Aldersgate Church. He was listening to someone read Luther’s preface to Romans – a document that highlights the value of faith. He decided that faith was something that he had and faith was something for which he could live (it would be his purpose). Instead of his burdens having the deed to his life, he gave the deed to faith. John Wesley would spend the next forty years walking in faith: do you think it mattered? Do you think Christ was revealed? Would it matter if I did the same thing?

We will talk this week about what happens when faith has the deed to our lives. I can’t wait to hear your stories of faith; nothing brings me more hope and joy.

Enjoy God,

pg