You’ve heard it said. Sometimes it’s a warning shot across
the bow – you don’t want to get me into a conversation about God. Maybe it’s a
shield – I’m not into that, don’t judge me. On occasion it can be a putdown –
religion is beneath me and all other sentient beings. It can create distance –
don’t group me with THAT lot. “I’m not religious”; at the bare minimum, these
words are a caution sign in any relationship or conversation. So, how do you
respond when this happens?
I’ve never been one that felt like I had all the answers. In
fact the result of my religious curiosity is often discovering more ways to be
wrong about God than being able to paint a clear and flawless picture of the
divine. So, far be it from me to impose my understanding of God upon anyone.
One thing I love about the many religious expressions contained in the bible is
the truth that I think is revealed about our creator in the mix – God
relentlessly loves us in spite of the many
misunderstandings we have about God.
So if it’s difficult for a pastor to navigate the dreaded “I’m not religious”,
why should someone without the benefit of advanced theological education even
try?
I discovered the answer to this question in small group
settings that UMC Merced is using to help people intentionally “Turn Up” in a
life of discipleship; we call them D-Groups. Many levels of experience with
religion are invited to these groups together. We spend a lot of time learning
to know and love one another while we try to learn to know and love God. Often
we allow space for people to air out their discomfort with religion. It’s true,
the words “I’m not religious” are even spoken in church (strong irony?). I am
pleased to say that this is always happening with the expectation of a loving,
kind, and generous environment.
So here is the process we came up with to gently wrestle
with these words. We asked everyone in the room to offer a reflection in the
following framework – I’m grateful for religion because… What happened next was
beautiful.
A woman in her eighties said that
she learned about patience and love (qualities that she is known for) from a
young volunteer when she was a child. A widow said that she found life
embracing companions in the days of grieving that followed the loss of her
husband. A gay man said that we are a community seeking relationship with God
and even though we are in different vehicles the goal is the same. He had found
a community that didn’t force him into “a vehicle” that wasn’t authentically
his. A woman recalled feeling accepted when she received her first communion.
An established man in life said that religion gives him a place to grow and
people that will nurture his growth. An agnostic expressed that she found a
place to ask questions and doubt in an environment of love. A mother said that
she is overcome by a love she can’t understand or explain. A pastor (guess who)
said this is where I see God making a difference in the face of my futile
efforts and glaring incapacities.
One after another, we heard people give witness to common
place miracles; deep relationships; divine revelation and an ongoing sense of
awe that inspires life lived more fully. Where was the derision? Did we ask the
wrong people or just the wrong question? None of these testimonies referred to
religion as a small box, a strict set of rules, a community of hypocrites, or a
self-righteous club of delusional narcissists. I intentionally didn’t ask what
IS religion. Instead I wanted us to focus on what religion DOES. The point
being, that religion doesn’t attract most of us by being the logically correct
choice. Rather, the attraction of religion is behind the uniquely beautiful
experiences that people find in the journey toward knowing and loving the
divine. Another important discovery is that religion wasn’t anyone’s goal.
Religion has a purpose, which is to help us know, love, and enjoy God; and a
powerful relationship by definition calls us to sacrifice who we are for who we
might become. If we put all our energy and attention to “right religion”,
religion is all we get. In essence we give up on the destination to put all our
attention on the vehicle that was meant to get us there.
To be fair, I’m not religious can also be a response to
injury – religion hurt me, made me feel worthless, judged me, called me an
abomination…I felt abused. The fact is when we ask what religion DOES in a
broader environment this truth comes out too. The group of people who have
found religion and come away worse for the wear is not small. Is it really religion
that makes these wounds or is it the religious? I find that the path toward
knowing and loving God (religion) is filled with people expressing the human
condition in full color (religious) – colors like needing validation, incessant
competition, languishing for love, needing protection, and needing to be right.
Being on the path called religion does not change the reality that we are
wounded animals. Wounded animals are dangerous. My walk among the wounded gives
me cause to seek reconciliation and healing relationships with many who journey
with me. “I believe, forgive my unbelief”
If we focus on the fact that religion has a purpose –
engaging us in a loving relationship with the divine and remaking us, we should
pause before using the word religious as an identity. “I’m driving” is not an identity;
it is how I am getting somewhere. The identity we have was given to us by our
creator – I’m human. Native American culture has a saying. I am human and because I am human I am capable of all of the evil
humanity produces; because I am human I am capable of all of the good that
humanity produces. I am human. The identity we share can help us to walk
humbly on this Earth and religion gives us the potential of walking humbly with
our God.
I’m not religious is an opportunity to care. We can care
about the blessings that religion has brought to our lives. We can care about
the wounded animals on the path of religion, and we can care about the injuries
created by us and others as wounded animals. Walking, walking humbly, and
walking humbly with our God are all possibilities in this life. The way we care
makes some of these choices better than others.
